About crank calls.
I know it's not nice to call people in the middle of the night for the purpose of annoying them but let's face it... It's fun as hell, aint it?
With the invention of caller ID's it's become increasingly difficult to do crank calls without getting caught. No one wants the phone police knocking on your door. That would be much worse than answering the phone in the middle of the night only to hear a voice on the other end asking if your refrigerator is running.
The way I see it, anyone who would report someone for crank calls deserves a series of crank calls at irregular intervals.
If you're really paranoid about making crank calls, do as a lot of paranoid crank callers do... Make the crank calls from someone else's house and check up on them from time to time to see if they ever got busted. Just go to a friends house and when no one's looking call your favorite mark and just say "jackass". Do this every time you visit someone.
OR you can use a pre-paid phone card and revel in the knowledge you are securely anonymous. The best part is you can crank call someone thousands of miles away. A total stranger. If his or her name is in the phone book, or not, they deserve a crank call from time to time for you to exercise your first amendment rights. See, this is all constitutional stuff and it's not only our right but our duty as free men to crank call anyone we want.
The perfect crank calling phone card would have to be FLAT RATE. The reason this card is so perfect is because it's a no connect card and if you are a true crank caller you won't be on for more than a few minutes, at most. That means it won't cost you a connection fee every time you call the game warden in Wyoming county in the middle of the night to tell him you found a deer by the side of the road and he wants to give his wife the meat. AND at a penny per minute you can crank call to your hearts delight and revel in the knowledge that you are not only thrifty but totally anonymous.
So, next time you're at your friends house calling the pizza parlor to deliver a half dozen anchovy and pineapple pizzas to your old girlfriends place, remember to use your phone card. Good friends are hard to come by these days. And so are good pizza parlors.